Shifting gears

I’m really not sure anymore what place this blog has in my life these days. It started as a secret outlet for the thoughts and ideas about sexuality, bodies, queerness that I couldn’t say out loud; for a while it helped me make sense, through writing, of various experiences and relationships I’d had that again, I couldn’t talk about to anyone; and it let me explore a particular kind of writing, erotic, sensual, open to sensation — that again, I couldn’t do otherwise. But, over the past year, everything has changed.

Instead of writing, I’ve been having face to face conversations with a variety of interesting, stimulating, awe-inspiring people, learning from them, tentatively testing out my own truths, and then afterwards finding that I can’t write about it on a blog. I scribble in my diary, as always, and I send excited emails etc, but it’s all private, intimate,  in a way that even a password protected post here cannot begin to be.

Meanwhile, some intense relationships have loosened their hold on me and been put to rest, and new ones have inevitably sprung up, which is its own type of inexpressible happiness, and again, too private, too intimate, too immediate to write about here. And if nothing else, this is a tiny community, and I would worry entirely too much about everyone’s privace to be comfortable writing about any of them, lovers or not, online.

So that leaves the third type of writing and, to be honest, I’m really only tempted to write here when that mood strikes. So, I’m thinking — still thinking — about revamping this whole blog, which I rather like actually, in spite of all the adolescent angst littering it, and writing only (or mainly) erotic things. I’m not sure that anyone actually  reads me here still, but consider this fair warning!

Oh, and yes, I’ve changed back to the dark and misty green layout. It’s still the character this place has, in my mind.

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~ by mortarandpestle on September 7, 2009.

3 Responses to “Shifting gears”

  1. Good to see you again.

  2. Great to see you. Great post. Sounds like things are moving along in a forward direction. Good fo you.

  3. I always love your posts. It makes me happy when I pop over and find you have written something new. I wish you’d write more but I understand that face to face is a very different and gratifying experience.

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